When we decide to go through a revolution in our lives, there will always come about situations that will test us to see if we have actually moved on. I have talked much about my beat down self esteem and being defeated. Well on the long list of wrong doings, I always liked to please people. I never wanted to upset anybody, and I would make sure that I didn’t. I would beg and apologize and kiss up and buy friendship, that is, I would buy my “friends” stuff or offer stuff. If they said jump, I would say how high. I’m thinking because of my past experiences I was always so desperate to have a relationship with anyone such that I tried too hard. I held on so tight because I thought that was what was going to make me feel better. In me holding on, something quickly messed up everything and I was back on ground zero.
It is today, however that I seem to be going through this same phase of wanting to be needed in a relationship of some sort that I remember that the bible says IN AS MUCH AS SOME TRUST IN HORSES AND CHARIOTS, MY HOPE AND TRUST OUGHT TO BE IN THE LORD.
I shouldn’t need somebody’s approval to be happy. At the end of the day it is God’s approval that matters the most. For example I shouldn’t need a boyfriend the influence of a peer to make me happy, because they will disappoint you, they are human. But God says in His word that HE IS NOT A MAN THAT HE SHOULD LIE, NEITHER IS HE A SON OF MAN THAT HE SHOULD CHANGE HIS MIND.
I wouldn’t know what your point of desperation may be. Perhaps alcohol, drugs, sex?
I personally, LOOK UP TO THE HILLS FROM WHERE MY HELP COMES FROM? MY HELP COMES FROM THE LORD, THE MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH.
He knows me better than any person would even attempt. J
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