pacifism vs war (activism)

Pacifism vs. war (activism)? I prefer being an activism extremist in comparison to being a war activist. Personally, my stance on this issue stands as I was a victim of incest (sexual abuse by a family member). I strongly believe that what you are so passionate about, you are willing to fight for; and what you give a benefit of a doubt, you really aren’t willing to “jump now and fear later” for it. It is when one is sick and tired of being sick and tired that he/she stands up for a cause. Pacifism leads to people being taken advantage of and making them look like they are defenseless, submissive (or partially submissive) and fearful. I had grown to trust, respect and look up to my abuser. He was an amazing “friend” and role model. Prior to the “situation” I had never been exposed to anything along the lines of sexual content or contact. My eyes, state of mind, body and overall being were virgin to the sexual aspect of life. He sat me down to porn. I did not stand up to him to say anything. I was afraid of what he would do because I was seeing these people having sex on the television and it looked so painful. He led me to his room and things happened. At the end of the day I felt so dirty, so filthy. I just wanted to die. I hated him, I hated what he did, I hated myself. On that same day, he tried to pick up from where he left off. He tried to kiss me and I brushed him off with utter disgust and walked away. He looked at me puzzled, and I’m pretty sure he knew that I wasn’t going to submit for the second time.I had decided to fight instead of being modest because I did not agree to his idea of me, but that didn’t last so long. In confiding in a friend, my abuser got to realize that I was becoming more vocal and as such empowered. He did not view what had happened between us as an abomination neither was incest. I did not stop him; conclusively I wanted it as much as he did. I think people decide to be pacifist having been threatened and instantly assuming that they cannot take a situation in their own hands. For five years I never told I a soul of what happened between the abuser and I. I had been threatened with phrases like, “do you think anyone is going to believe you?” and “if I go down, you are going down with me.”A lot of people owe their successes to the universe or whatever religious affiliation they are entitled to. I personally thank God for the circumstances that led to this burden of a secret to be exposed. Since I spoke to my mom, my father, my brother and a few of my not so distant family members, I feel liberated. In as much as I am now angry that those five years of my life seemed to have gone to waste, I am happy because of the conviction I have and the unfathomable power I have to stand against any molester. My voice is my activism, my life is my activism and my story is my activism.I am African. Such a lifestyle and tolerance to molestation and incest is great in its numbers from where I am from. Such a stand up on my part is a fight against social norms. Activism, for me, is the power to stand my ground and defend what is rightfully mine; and that is regardless of any retaliation I am ever going to face.

standing tall

Apparently it takes more than what is imagined to pursue a vision JI have just recently signed up for the face of Zimbabwe beauty contest.http://www.faceofzimbabwe.com/contestant_details.php?cnt_id=195  .As I see all the beautiful ladies I am competing against aswell as the circumstances surrounding me, I am beginning to question my motives behind me taking a bite at this big challenge.

I realize that I ought to be a role model of victims of rape and abuse and incest. I feel it’s the least I could do given my past experiences with regards to the matter J if I managed to crawl out of that little dark hole, I am pretty sure anybody else can. Like I always say, I am really liberated and finally free from the bondage of the past.

This contest is to show how I have moved forward, how I am no longer a victim but a victor in all respects. More always, it’s a bigger challenge than I assumed it would be. I am surrounded by passion driven women, with so much enthusiasm as well as a bucketful more confidence than I do. My character and power of self is being tested on a daily basis. Now and then I have been missing the target to which I have set for myself with regards to this competition. It is not about a win or loss. It is indeed about an extremely vocal platform that teaches women from all walks of life that they are beautiful, regardless of the scars that they bear or the baggage they seem to convey to the rest of the world.

Beauty can only be put across from the inside out. All these beautiful women are beautiful for their own reasons. Well, this is mine Jhttp://www.faceofzimbabwe.com/contestant_details.php?cnt_id=195
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